The one where you make your own 'light'

I was in high school once.

Yeah, yeah. Those of you thinking I still look like a high schooler, you can shut up 'cause that ain't no new news to me.

And I feel like I always wrote slightly passive-aggressive philosophical Facebook posts during this season of my life.

Now I truly just keep Facebook to post my blog posts and look at memes.

One thing many people did back in high school, which my past-Facebook-self clearly points out that she hated, was complain.

She also posted a lot of song lyrics that apparently resonated with her heart's song at the time, whether people were able to make out her heart's true song or not.

High school Elizzy is long gone, and the Elizabeth who stand before the mirror in present time has a lot to be thankful for regarding the decisions and thoughts of that high school brain that once existed.

I was looking through old pictures of myself in high school which caused me to reflect.

Reflect on how I viewed myself during that time period in my life.

Reflect on how I viewed the world during that time period in my life.

Reflect on how I acted based on these views during that time period in my life.

Looking at certain pictures, I thought, wow, how could I have ever thought that I was not pretty, that I was not beautiful.

Now please do not take me for vain.

But just like most high school girls, my high school self was not very fond of herself.  She embraced the lies of high school drama and mean girls that she was not as pretty as she could have been or as 'cool' as she should have been.

Yet, she continued to be who she was, even if all that summed up to her was dork and nerd and weirdo.

And looking back at these pictures, I want to go back in time and tell that high school weirdo how beautiful and full of worth that woman of God is.  And I would love to thank her for all the decisions she made during that odd and awkward time in her life, 'cause she has gotten me to where I am today.

Complaining was always a pet peeve of young Elizabeth. Of course she had her moments where she had to vent out her aggravations to her family and close friends; but in her good moments, she always tried to spin positivity into the picture of pessimism. 

She grew up learning that you have two choices in every moment: to take the moment with a smile or to reject it with a hateful heart.  Either way, the moment will come and go, and in the end, its your mindset that dictates what kind of day, week, year you have; what kind of life you have is dictated by your worldview, your personality, and whether or not you have chosen to love your life or hate it. Even the worst of moments can be taken with some kind optimism.

I think this mindset has followed little Elizzy through her few years of growing up.

However, lately, slightly-grown-up Elizzy has taken part in her fair share of complaining.

And you know what?

Complaining is exhausting.

Complaining forces one to dwell on the negativity, the pessimistic view of what is going on at the current moment.

And some situation in life truly make being positive pretty impossible. 

There is no bright side, and it seems like the dark tunnel just continues to grow into the future.

Where is the f***ing light at the end of the tunnel? you hear people longing and desiring for nothing but help.

Sometimes, you have to make the light. 

Sometimes, you have to lie to yourself that you can get through this.

It's not a lie, 'cause you will get through this; one way or another.

Sometimes, you have to enjoy the smallest of things - like sleeping, or hugging a coworker - you have to make your own light. 

Sometimes you have to cry on your mother's shoulder in the middle of a hospital hallway in blue scrubs.

This is how you make your own light; you stay true to who you are, and when you catch yourself waist-high in a pool of negativity and complaints and can't see a light anywhere in the tunnel, it's time to switch on your light.

With this light you will be able to inspect all corners of your immediate life; why can't you see the light at the end of the tunnel? what is making your mindset change from general optimism to thorough pessimism?

You have to create a light; because living in the darkness is not how you and I were intended to live.