Hello, It's me
Hi.
It's been a while since you and I have talked.
I'm sorry; I have been at a loss for words.
You see, I have this {sometimes} dreaded thing called a full-time job. It consist of 12-hour days, and if it's not the work I am doing that makes it stressful, its the people who won't stop bugging me that make it stressful.
It can't be that bad, Elizabeth.
Maybe it isn't really that bad; I am known to have my drama-queen moments.
But I am not randomly showing up on your social media feed, your computer screen, and your phone screen to drone on and on about my job.
Do you ever lose sight of yourself because you feel as if though you become what you do?
Let me explain and then ask it in a different way just in case that previous sentence makes absolutely no sense {which is a very high possibility}.
I am a nurse, critical care. I do critical care nursey things approximately 36 to 48 hours of any given week throughout the year for, going on, two years.
When I am not doing said nursey things, you can find me asleep on the couch or my bed.
On my days off, I try to get up and do day-to-day adult-like things, such as grocery shop and spend money.
However, lately I have been so exhausted that it feels as if motivation has been sucked right out of me.
I try to think back to the very beginning of my career of the things I enjoyed to do in my free time, when I didn't spend so much time being exhausted; when I had more motivation.
Back in February, I was feeling so off that I decided to schedule a therapy session.
I cried and cried and I swear the shrink must have thought I was just a loony-toon.
Her words to me were so simple, yet have placed much perspective in my past couple of weeks.
Elizabeth, I think you have lost a much needed balance in your life.
Do you ever feel as if you become so heavily involved in one aspect of your life, that you lose all the other things that make you you?
I'm a nurse; and I guess its the nature of who I am mixed with the nature of my job.
There is this meme that reads this "do you ever feel like you use all your niceness at work and then when you get home, you're not nice to anyone in the house."
But literally, replace the word 'niceness' with any of the following: patience, saneness, dedication, fervor, motivation.
I am a nurse, yes, but I am not just a nurse.
And I feel like, in general, as humans, we can get to caught up in something we do whether it be a career or a hobby or whatever it might be, that we let that become the defining thing about us.
I am a nurse, but I am not just a nurse.
I am so many other things.
I am daughter.
I am a sister.
I am a writer.
I am a reader.
I am a follower of Christ.
I am a hockey enthusiast.
I am a 'leg day' focused gym-goer.
I am a blogger.
I am a thinker.
I am a creator.
I am a planner.
I am a loved granddaughter.
I am a traveler.
I am Polish. I am German. I am American.
I am a friend.
I am a best friend.
I am loyal.
I am a girlfriend.
I am a coffee addict.
There are so many things that I am and sometimes I forget that.
In the end, there is only one thing I should find my worth in, and to be bluntly honest, my worth is not found in being a nurse.
After my therapy session, I felt let down; as if she was supposed to bestow on me some magical shrink spell that would make me feel back to normal; back to the person I have lost.
There I was, feeling as if I had lost the person I was.
But the thing is, she was never lost; she was just out of balance.
And to be honest, she still is out of balance; but she is actively re-balancing, which takes work.
She still has those periods of streaming tears. And the hobbies she has let take back burner, most of them are still sitting there waiting to be picked back up.
But its a work in progress; to be taken one day at a time.
As stated above, I am a planner.
I try to have everything figured out before most other people even start thinking about whatever the 'it' may be.
My charge nurse told me the other day, "What are you doing sending me emails about September? I am still trying to figure out the schedule for next month!"
Literally, if that remark doesn't tell you who I am in reference to being a planner, I don't know what else could possibly let you into my planner-brain.
So here I am, trying to figure out every little details, and trying to perfect myself in my young-20's.
Do I see some hands being raised in agreeance?
I look at those with spontaneity in their souls with envy.
The feeling that I should have myself and everything else figured out needs to disperse from my mind.
I know I am a work in progress; it is okay to take it one day at a time.
And some would say she has plenty of time to figure it out; after all, she is only twenty-three.
It's been a while since you and I have talked.
I'm sorry; I have been at a loss for words.
You see, I have this {sometimes} dreaded thing called a full-time job. It consist of 12-hour days, and if it's not the work I am doing that makes it stressful, its the people who won't stop bugging me that make it stressful.
It can't be that bad, Elizabeth.
Maybe it isn't really that bad; I am known to have my drama-queen moments.
But I am not randomly showing up on your social media feed, your computer screen, and your phone screen to drone on and on about my job.
Do you ever lose sight of yourself because you feel as if though you become what you do?
Let me explain and then ask it in a different way just in case that previous sentence makes absolutely no sense {which is a very high possibility}.
I am a nurse, critical care. I do critical care nursey things approximately 36 to 48 hours of any given week throughout the year for, going on, two years.
When I am not doing said nursey things, you can find me asleep on the couch or my bed.
On my days off, I try to get up and do day-to-day adult-like things, such as grocery shop and spend money.
However, lately I have been so exhausted that it feels as if motivation has been sucked right out of me.
I try to think back to the very beginning of my career of the things I enjoyed to do in my free time, when I didn't spend so much time being exhausted; when I had more motivation.
Back in February, I was feeling so off that I decided to schedule a therapy session.
I cried and cried and I swear the shrink must have thought I was just a loony-toon.
Her words to me were so simple, yet have placed much perspective in my past couple of weeks.
Elizabeth, I think you have lost a much needed balance in your life.
Do you ever feel as if you become so heavily involved in one aspect of your life, that you lose all the other things that make you you?
I'm a nurse; and I guess its the nature of who I am mixed with the nature of my job.
There is this meme that reads this "do you ever feel like you use all your niceness at work and then when you get home, you're not nice to anyone in the house."
But literally, replace the word 'niceness' with any of the following: patience, saneness, dedication, fervor, motivation.
I am a nurse, yes, but I am not just a nurse.
And I feel like, in general, as humans, we can get to caught up in something we do whether it be a career or a hobby or whatever it might be, that we let that become the defining thing about us.
I am a nurse, but I am not just a nurse.
I am so many other things.
I am daughter.
I am a sister.
I am a writer.
I am a reader.
I am a follower of Christ.
I am a hockey enthusiast.
I am a 'leg day' focused gym-goer.
I am a blogger.
I am a thinker.
I am a creator.
I am a planner.
I am a loved granddaughter.
I am a traveler.
I am Polish. I am German. I am American.
I am a friend.
I am a best friend.
I am loyal.
I am a girlfriend.
I am a coffee addict.
There are so many things that I am and sometimes I forget that.
In the end, there is only one thing I should find my worth in, and to be bluntly honest, my worth is not found in being a nurse.
After my therapy session, I felt let down; as if she was supposed to bestow on me some magical shrink spell that would make me feel back to normal; back to the person I have lost.
There I was, feeling as if I had lost the person I was.
But the thing is, she was never lost; she was just out of balance.
And to be honest, she still is out of balance; but she is actively re-balancing, which takes work.
She still has those periods of streaming tears. And the hobbies she has let take back burner, most of them are still sitting there waiting to be picked back up.
But its a work in progress; to be taken one day at a time.
As stated above, I am a planner.
I try to have everything figured out before most other people even start thinking about whatever the 'it' may be.
My charge nurse told me the other day, "What are you doing sending me emails about September? I am still trying to figure out the schedule for next month!"
Literally, if that remark doesn't tell you who I am in reference to being a planner, I don't know what else could possibly let you into my planner-brain.
So here I am, trying to figure out every little details, and trying to perfect myself in my young-20's.
Do I see some hands being raised in agreeance?
I look at those with spontaneity in their souls with envy.
The feeling that I should have myself and everything else figured out needs to disperse from my mind.
I know I am a work in progress; it is okay to take it one day at a time.
And some would say she has plenty of time to figure it out; after all, she is only twenty-three.
Comments
Post a Comment