Secret Confessions of an ICU Nurse
Well, where do I begin.
Truly, the life of an ICU nurse is like no other; the things you see and experience as you walk along side your patients' conditions and the families' emotions can be complex and overwhelming at times.
It's definitely a career that reminds you every day that you are human; that you are alive; that you have working emotions that you can only fight to a certain extent.
Death is real, sickness is real, and being in constant contact with this reality is a unique experience that I get to experience on the daily.
There are two sides to me as an ICU nurse.
On the one hand, one of the things I tell my families is this: I see this kind of stuff everyday and I know you don't; I know it can be overwhelming and I am here to help it make sense to you, to make this process of the ICU experience just that much easier for you and your loved one.
On the other hand, one of the things I tell my family is this: With the shit I see everyday, we truly have no room to complain about our lives and think that our life sucks; because it doesn't at all. So many have it so much worse off than us; we should be thankful for our health and the opportunities each day gives us, no matter how stressful or overwhelming we may believe it to be.
When people get wind of my career choice, one thing I hear often is, wow, you must see a lot of interesting things.
Well, my dear friends, that is an understatement.
I see a lot of the overwhelming processes of life.
And not the overwhelming good processes of life, like marriage or graduation or, what my best friend gets to do on the daily, the process of birthing babies.
Yes maybe on occasion, some of the patients from my unit go on and heal and get to accomplish things that, if not for the ICU, would have never been in their future; but I never get to see those thing happen. Those stories, and then me hearing about it, usually come few and far in between.
But please don't think that that makes my job any less rewarding or important to me.
Working in any organization is going to be stressful; when you are a part of something bigger than yourself, with layers and layers of management, its a complex system, and complex systems come with high stress and, I mean, the law of entropy, thank you chemistry.
On top of that, working in a high stress area, critical care medicine, adds more pressure onto my shoulders.
I was definitely nervous walking into an RN position in the ICU as a new grad, but thinking about it now, I probably should have been a lot more nervous than I actually was.
Why?
Because there is a lot of pressure that lies on my shoulders every night I walk into work.
But you know what? I could walk into work all high strung every night if I wanted to.
But what is the point of being high strung all the time? It only makes the pressure more stressful.
In the end, I know I will accomplish all my priorities and I can keep someone alive if their life depended on it; and if I can't, I know that I will go in any situations all-hands-on-deck and work my ass off and give it my all.
At the end of the day, I am always going to be sure I can say that I did my best, because my best is what each and every one of my patients deserve; every one deserves your best, just because the fact that they are a human being.
Being an ICU nurse is definitely not for everyone.
You see intensely complex disease processes, with sometimes every system being affected in some way.
You see parts of life that not many others get to witness.
You see adrenaline-full moments. You see moments filled with tears and sobs.
My favorite part of my job? I get to walk through some peoples' most vulnerable moments of their lives, and you get to help determine how they look back on those memories.
And when people are vulnerable is when you have the most impact on someone.
I think it is beautiful to be able to impact someone in such a vulnerable state. I life to think that their vulnerable heart is safe with me, and I want to prove it to each and every one of them that they are loved, their loved one is loved, and they don't have to walk through this part of life alone.
'Cause no one wants to be vulnerable alone.
Think back, have you ever had a loved one pass away?
How did it happen?
Where you in the hospital with them?
Did you witness them actively pass from this life to death?
I'm not sure where you are in life or what kind of stuff you see on the daily basis.
But when you see things on a daily basis, it kind of becomes your norm, even though it is not normal at all.
Elizabeth, stop. You aren't normal, you are a nurse.
Sometimes I get told by my family and my boyfriend to just shut up and stop being a nurse for a little bit.
Of course, my mom always joins in my little nurse-weird talks, she never tells me to shut up.
Its just something you can't shut off, because its, well, my norm, and I'm around it all the time.
I remember this one time, a patient's family member told me something along the lines of this.
You're so young, I hate that you have to see this. But then again, I guess you see this kind of stuff every day.
If you've never seen me in person, take my word or anyone else I work with words and just understand that I look like I am still a teenager.
And when you are an ICU nurse, you tend to deal with pretty critical patients, hence intensive care unit. Unfortunately, with critical health, death is likely to follow -- not in all cases, but many cases.
So, as follows, I am a teenager-looking twenty two year old who sees and deals with death on a pretty regular basis.
Maybe this individual's way of thinking was correct.
It is kind of odd that I am 'so young' and dealing with a part of life that maybe someone as young as me shouldn't have to or even want to deal with.
Maybe I am a freak, or maybe I am just an ICU nurse.
But dealing with death is a part of life that, at some point, is something with which everyone must one day deal.
It is hard, oh so hard, but just maybe if you have one person who can make the process a little smoother, a little less stressful, someone who can care for you in some of your most vulnerable moments, it can make it just a tad easier.
And that's my job.
And that's what I live for.
To cry with the family as their dear one passes away, to do all the background work, to make the hard process less overwhelming.
I may be a young someone dealing with overwhelming parts of life; but I have never felt more alive than in the midst of this.
Truly, the life of an ICU nurse is like no other; the things you see and experience as you walk along side your patients' conditions and the families' emotions can be complex and overwhelming at times.
It's definitely a career that reminds you every day that you are human; that you are alive; that you have working emotions that you can only fight to a certain extent.
Death is real, sickness is real, and being in constant contact with this reality is a unique experience that I get to experience on the daily.
There are two sides to me as an ICU nurse.
On the one hand, one of the things I tell my families is this: I see this kind of stuff everyday and I know you don't; I know it can be overwhelming and I am here to help it make sense to you, to make this process of the ICU experience just that much easier for you and your loved one.
On the other hand, one of the things I tell my family is this: With the shit I see everyday, we truly have no room to complain about our lives and think that our life sucks; because it doesn't at all. So many have it so much worse off than us; we should be thankful for our health and the opportunities each day gives us, no matter how stressful or overwhelming we may believe it to be.
When people get wind of my career choice, one thing I hear often is, wow, you must see a lot of interesting things.
Well, my dear friends, that is an understatement.
I see a lot of the overwhelming processes of life.
And not the overwhelming good processes of life, like marriage or graduation or, what my best friend gets to do on the daily, the process of birthing babies.
Yes maybe on occasion, some of the patients from my unit go on and heal and get to accomplish things that, if not for the ICU, would have never been in their future; but I never get to see those thing happen. Those stories, and then me hearing about it, usually come few and far in between.
But please don't think that that makes my job any less rewarding or important to me.
Working in any organization is going to be stressful; when you are a part of something bigger than yourself, with layers and layers of management, its a complex system, and complex systems come with high stress and, I mean, the law of entropy, thank you chemistry.
On top of that, working in a high stress area, critical care medicine, adds more pressure onto my shoulders.
I was definitely nervous walking into an RN position in the ICU as a new grad, but thinking about it now, I probably should have been a lot more nervous than I actually was.
Why?
Because there is a lot of pressure that lies on my shoulders every night I walk into work.
But you know what? I could walk into work all high strung every night if I wanted to.
But what is the point of being high strung all the time? It only makes the pressure more stressful.
In the end, I know I will accomplish all my priorities and I can keep someone alive if their life depended on it; and if I can't, I know that I will go in any situations all-hands-on-deck and work my ass off and give it my all.
At the end of the day, I am always going to be sure I can say that I did my best, because my best is what each and every one of my patients deserve; every one deserves your best, just because the fact that they are a human being.
Being an ICU nurse is definitely not for everyone.
You see intensely complex disease processes, with sometimes every system being affected in some way.
You see parts of life that not many others get to witness.
You see adrenaline-full moments. You see moments filled with tears and sobs.
My favorite part of my job? I get to walk through some peoples' most vulnerable moments of their lives, and you get to help determine how they look back on those memories.
And when people are vulnerable is when you have the most impact on someone.
I think it is beautiful to be able to impact someone in such a vulnerable state. I life to think that their vulnerable heart is safe with me, and I want to prove it to each and every one of them that they are loved, their loved one is loved, and they don't have to walk through this part of life alone.
'Cause no one wants to be vulnerable alone.
Think back, have you ever had a loved one pass away?
How did it happen?
Where you in the hospital with them?
Did you witness them actively pass from this life to death?
I'm not sure where you are in life or what kind of stuff you see on the daily basis.
But when you see things on a daily basis, it kind of becomes your norm, even though it is not normal at all.
Elizabeth, stop. You aren't normal, you are a nurse.
Sometimes I get told by my family and my boyfriend to just shut up and stop being a nurse for a little bit.
Of course, my mom always joins in my little nurse-weird talks, she never tells me to shut up.
Its just something you can't shut off, because its, well, my norm, and I'm around it all the time.
I remember this one time, a patient's family member told me something along the lines of this.
You're so young, I hate that you have to see this. But then again, I guess you see this kind of stuff every day.
If you've never seen me in person, take my word or anyone else I work with words and just understand that I look like I am still a teenager.
And when you are an ICU nurse, you tend to deal with pretty critical patients, hence intensive care unit. Unfortunately, with critical health, death is likely to follow -- not in all cases, but many cases.
So, as follows, I am a teenager-looking twenty two year old who sees and deals with death on a pretty regular basis.
Maybe this individual's way of thinking was correct.
It is kind of odd that I am 'so young' and dealing with a part of life that maybe someone as young as me shouldn't have to or even want to deal with.
Maybe I am a freak, or maybe I am just an ICU nurse.
But dealing with death is a part of life that, at some point, is something with which everyone must one day deal.
It is hard, oh so hard, but just maybe if you have one person who can make the process a little smoother, a little less stressful, someone who can care for you in some of your most vulnerable moments, it can make it just a tad easier.
And that's my job.
And that's what I live for.
To cry with the family as their dear one passes away, to do all the background work, to make the hard process less overwhelming.
I may be a young someone dealing with overwhelming parts of life; but I have never felt more alive than in the midst of this.
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