Who are you?

What is this thing that human nature has against vulnerability?
It is so easy for us to become vulnerable to the known, but the unknown, undiscovered, unexplored, unfamiliar - becoming vulnerable to that is uncharted territory, and it’s scary.


Not too long ago, I was asked a question that really shook me to the core.
It's was a simple question, but for some reason, it felt almost impossible to answer.

Who is this Elizabeth person?

 I feel an array of emotions against myself for not being able to summon an interesting and clear description of myself.  I searched my mind, but my thoughts came up blank; as if all the voices inside my head had retired for the night.

As you can assume, this made me feel like literally the most boring person on the planet.
After all, being yourself means you should know yourself the best out of everyone in this world, right?

But really, who the hell am I?

I am a girl
Well that is the easiest part of the answer.
who is a nurse
That is easy too; I am my profession. Some days it is easy to love being a nurse, others, not so much.
who loves her family
On my instagram profile, one of my descriptions of myself is "sister." Being a sister is such a big part of who I am.  I may not always be a good one, but I do take pride in the beautiful soul God so graciously gave me as a sister.
who enjoys to create
I am a writer at heart; words come easier when I can write and type them out versus them coming straight from my mouth.  I love to create things; pictures, videos; my sister and I even created musicals to perform to my parents and grandparents when we were younger.
who is obsessed with hockey
As a ninth grader, my dream was to become a professional hockey player, and I can barely skate on iceskates for more than twenty minutes without my ankles yelling at me to chill out.
who too frequently can be found reading a book
I would much rather be writing, but sometimes writing takes so much energy; it is nice to gain insight on writing tips through other writers all the while getting lost in something that is not your own life.
who loves to smile
Call me Buddy the Elf, but smiling is my favorite. It’s so much more enjoyable than the alternative.
who literally drinks coffee like she inhales air
What can I say about this one? Everyone has some type of security blanket and I guess this one is mine.
who has a short temper and a deep heart
The first part is 100% true; the second part may be debatable by a number of people.
who needs Jesus desperately

It’s a never ending journey with Jesus, just like it is a never ending journey with every relationship made in life; the one with Jesus just so happens to be the most important one, and so many times, the most failed one as well. 

I guess I could go on and on . . .

But what about the deep parts of your soul?
Anyone can read a blog or note your Instagram “bio” and see that you love coffee and the mountains; that your are a nurse who loves to read on your days off.
But what do you believe in?
Who do you root for? 
What do you cherish more than anything?

What are the parts of you that you hide from even your closest friend? 

As I continued to think about who I am as a person, I felt many negative emotions creep into the pit of my chest, for its so easy to become your own worst enemy.

I want to live a life that I love.
Your life is too simple, too boring.
I want to create things that are bigger than myself.
You are just one person, too small to make anything bigger than a ripple.
I want to love and be loved. 
You are not important. 

I sat in bed, unable to sleep because my mind kept racing and my thoughts just wouldn’t shut up.

Worry is contagious; you start worrying about one area of your life and then it just spreads to where the anxiety seems to be untamable.

After a good week off of work, I fell back into my ‘normal’ rhythm of work. All these worries and anxieties that had creeped into my mind and perfused through my body into my soul came to a silent stop when I was reunited with many of my favorite work buddies. 

I’m comfortable around them, they know my character; and I guess in some ways they see the shining star in me that I so often forget really exists. 

Personally speaking, there are seasons of life filled with different emotions; seasons filled with certainty, and then seasons filled with uncertainty; seasons filled with hopefulness, and then seasons filled with the feeling of despair; seasons filled with confidence, and seasons filled with self-hatred. 

I think finding someone who can listen to you in your seasons of insecurities, and remind you who you really are when you forget, is so beautiful.
Someone who can empower you in your times of doubt while also ensuring humility throughout the process; these are the people I am drawn towards.

What is even more beautiful; when you find not just one person, but multiple, who can do just that - make you feel worth while when your brain tells you that you are worthless; make you feel important when your thoughts tell you that your imperfections make you insignificant. 

How blessed am I that there are so many in my life who can remind me who I am when I so easily forget. 

You are so beautiful and so worth it all; don't you ever forget that.