To the friend who got away
I think the cool thing about memories is that you get to choose which ones you remember and you can either choose to like the pleasant ones or you can live in the haunting of the terrible ones.
I’m not a perfect human, and I will never ever claim to be. I make a lot of mistakes and sometimes make more when I try to fix whatever happened.
I make mistakes in discernment, I make mistakes in relationships, and I make mistakes in choosing a sleeveless shirt versus a sweater on some days.
I’ll eat the cookie(s) when I should eat the salad, I’ll take a nap instead of going to the gym; sometimes I quick to anger and frustration; I’m quick to assuming the worst and allowing my entire being to be overwhelmed with worry before I should; I succumb to the hangry; I am sometimes too good at getting most upset with the ones who love me the deepest—I forget, sometimes, who is on my team.
I’ve made friends and I’ve lost friends, people who I considered close to me; and I’ve come to realize that maybe sometimes people aren’t who you think they are. Maybe they think the same thing about you.
Maybe your world-views are just more different than you thought.
Every good thing is in moderation, right? Maybe you were just unable to find what moderation in this situation was best; and a little too late you learned lessons that you sometimes wish you would have learned earlier.
*
I’m a visual girl; I love pictures and videos to the point that sometimes you will find me just scrolling through my camera roll reflecting on the memories that came with said visual stimulation.
On my camera roll, you’ll find pictures of me with my family; my friends; my boyfriend; doing things I like to do; you’ll find quotes that have inspired me and poems that give emotionally cut me.
If you know me, you’ll find memories on my camera roll that have you asking, why would you want to remember that?
That person emotionally cut you, why would you want to remember them?
Well, darling, like I said before, you can either choose to like the pleasant memories or you can live in the haunting of the terrible ones.
And maybe that is what makes us different.
There are multiple different types of people in the world, but if we could all group them into two big groups, you would have those optimists and those pessimists; the ones who choose to keep the pleasant memories dear to them and the ones who choose to live within the haunting of their past.
Maybe during this realization is when I should have realized that moderation is going to be really important to allow this to last.
Every day is going to have its good and its bad; there will be some where you cry more than you breathe; there will be some that you laugh until your abs are sore. There will be days that you wish you could hold onto forever; its like the feeling of Christmas morning, and I never want to lose the love of life I have during those moments.
To my friend, who got away--
I would apologize, but I know it doesn't make a different; not then, not now.
Things were done, and you were hurt; I understand. But please hear me out; you never even looked my way to acknowledge my apology, much less hear any part of my side of the story.
That's okay though, I'm not one to hold grudges, although I get the feeling that you are though, considering what happened.
But that's okay too.
Because even though our friendship has come to a definite end, there are many wonderful things that came from confiding in you and getting to know you.
And I will forever choose to remember all the wonderful things I gained rather than the anxiety I experienced and the tears that were shed and the hurtful things you said about my family.
That's okay too, because you have anxiety too, and you cried too, and its not fair for me to send negative vibes your way just because you don't understand my family or the way in which I was brought up in a family.
I'm not going to use this proverbial letter to you to attack you in all the ways you attacked me when you said 'goodbye,' because if you like to admit it or not, you know that's not who I am.
I gain nothing from hating you; I gain nothing from writing down mean words for the whole world to see; I gain nothing from choosing to reflect on the few crappy times we had together.
We are complete opposites from each other, I'm not sure if you saw that or not.
And although I am pretty sure when you look back on our friendship and tell people about it, you will choose to remember the hauntings of the terrible memories.
But please know that I have no grudges, no angry feelings left unforgiven; I will choose to remember all the smiles, and the challenges we successfully conquered together through school, all the inside jokes, all the late night text messages, all the secrets we shared, and all the valuable life lessons your friendship taught me.
That's what I will hold on to.
Because I know not everything lasts forever; not every friendship will make it though the dark clouds of life's hurricanes, not every friendship will be strong enough to take on tornado's winds.
And that's okay.
Because out of everything in life, we can choose to learn a lesson; we can choose to forgive others and ourselves.
We have the freedom to choose to remember the pleasant memories and refuse to be haunted by the terrible ones.
Yes, you are one of the few friends who got away.
Yes, you are not the only person who got away in 'bad blood.'
Maybe you were right -- maybe there is a common denominator here.
Maybe you were just mistaken.
And you know what? That's okay too.
Because here I sit with a soul full of peace and a true smile thinking back your friendship.
Truly, thank you for your soul. All those times I reminded you of your worth, I was not lying.
Its freeing to remember what I said and still agree with my words despite our bad blood's past.
Your soul is beautiful and you have taught me a whole lot.
And for you I am grateful and thankful.
xoxo,
Elizabeth
I’m not a perfect human, and I will never ever claim to be. I make a lot of mistakes and sometimes make more when I try to fix whatever happened.
I make mistakes in discernment, I make mistakes in relationships, and I make mistakes in choosing a sleeveless shirt versus a sweater on some days.
I’ll eat the cookie(s) when I should eat the salad, I’ll take a nap instead of going to the gym; sometimes I quick to anger and frustration; I’m quick to assuming the worst and allowing my entire being to be overwhelmed with worry before I should; I succumb to the hangry; I am sometimes too good at getting most upset with the ones who love me the deepest—I forget, sometimes, who is on my team.
I’ve made friends and I’ve lost friends, people who I considered close to me; and I’ve come to realize that maybe sometimes people aren’t who you think they are. Maybe they think the same thing about you.
Maybe your world-views are just more different than you thought.
Every good thing is in moderation, right? Maybe you were just unable to find what moderation in this situation was best; and a little too late you learned lessons that you sometimes wish you would have learned earlier.
*
I’m a visual girl; I love pictures and videos to the point that sometimes you will find me just scrolling through my camera roll reflecting on the memories that came with said visual stimulation.
On my camera roll, you’ll find pictures of me with my family; my friends; my boyfriend; doing things I like to do; you’ll find quotes that have inspired me and poems that give emotionally cut me.
If you know me, you’ll find memories on my camera roll that have you asking, why would you want to remember that?
That person emotionally cut you, why would you want to remember them?
Well, darling, like I said before, you can either choose to like the pleasant memories or you can live in the haunting of the terrible ones.
And maybe that is what makes us different.
There are multiple different types of people in the world, but if we could all group them into two big groups, you would have those optimists and those pessimists; the ones who choose to keep the pleasant memories dear to them and the ones who choose to live within the haunting of their past.
Maybe during this realization is when I should have realized that moderation is going to be really important to allow this to last.
Every day is going to have its good and its bad; there will be some where you cry more than you breathe; there will be some that you laugh until your abs are sore. There will be days that you wish you could hold onto forever; its like the feeling of Christmas morning, and I never want to lose the love of life I have during those moments.
To my friend, who got away--
I would apologize, but I know it doesn't make a different; not then, not now.
Things were done, and you were hurt; I understand. But please hear me out; you never even looked my way to acknowledge my apology, much less hear any part of my side of the story.
That's okay though, I'm not one to hold grudges, although I get the feeling that you are though, considering what happened.
But that's okay too.
Because even though our friendship has come to a definite end, there are many wonderful things that came from confiding in you and getting to know you.
And I will forever choose to remember all the wonderful things I gained rather than the anxiety I experienced and the tears that were shed and the hurtful things you said about my family.
That's okay too, because you have anxiety too, and you cried too, and its not fair for me to send negative vibes your way just because you don't understand my family or the way in which I was brought up in a family.
I'm not going to use this proverbial letter to you to attack you in all the ways you attacked me when you said 'goodbye,' because if you like to admit it or not, you know that's not who I am.
I gain nothing from hating you; I gain nothing from writing down mean words for the whole world to see; I gain nothing from choosing to reflect on the few crappy times we had together.
We are complete opposites from each other, I'm not sure if you saw that or not.
And although I am pretty sure when you look back on our friendship and tell people about it, you will choose to remember the hauntings of the terrible memories.
But please know that I have no grudges, no angry feelings left unforgiven; I will choose to remember all the smiles, and the challenges we successfully conquered together through school, all the inside jokes, all the late night text messages, all the secrets we shared, and all the valuable life lessons your friendship taught me.
That's what I will hold on to.
Because I know not everything lasts forever; not every friendship will make it though the dark clouds of life's hurricanes, not every friendship will be strong enough to take on tornado's winds.
And that's okay.
Because out of everything in life, we can choose to learn a lesson; we can choose to forgive others and ourselves.
We have the freedom to choose to remember the pleasant memories and refuse to be haunted by the terrible ones.
Yes, you are one of the few friends who got away.
Yes, you are not the only person who got away in 'bad blood.'
Maybe you were right -- maybe there is a common denominator here.
Maybe you were just mistaken.
And you know what? That's okay too.
Because here I sit with a soul full of peace and a true smile thinking back your friendship.
Truly, thank you for your soul. All those times I reminded you of your worth, I was not lying.
Its freeing to remember what I said and still agree with my words despite our bad blood's past.
Your soul is beautiful and you have taught me a whole lot.
And for you I am grateful and thankful.
xoxo,
Elizabeth
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