I’m an Iceberg
Life’s not fair.
I never said it was.
Somewhere in a hospital in a bed is laying a man with cancer. He is so fatigued, he hardly desires to speak. It’s not that he doesn’t want to speak or that he doesn’t like you, he is just so tired, he can’t.
He asks his nurse how long he has left.
She understands, but she asks him to clarify.
He clarifies.
And she answers him.
She has only know then man for a few days, wouldn’t be able to pick him out in a crowd, wouldn’t be able to tell you his children’s names or if he has grandchildren yet or not. She wouldn’t be able to tell you how him and his wife fell in love, or what he did for a living ‘back in the day.’
She wouldn’t be able to tell you his favorite color or favorite smell or favorite flavor of ice cream.
She can only tell you the color of his eyes because she has to look at them every four hours.
She can only tell you his favorite juice because that’s the only thing he wants to drink.
He doesn’t mind an injection or a procedure because he trusts his nurse. After watching her, he must know she means well.
When he asks her that question, that how much longer do I have question, it makes her want to break down into tears.
She has only known him for a few days, but inside her soul, she knows that this weak and frail gentleman has had his fair share of life challenges, of victories; she knows, despite his seemingly quiet nature, he is kind and has cared for people he loves and people he has never met.
She knows that he knows his time is nearing its end.
He wants her to be upfront and frank with him.
And she couldn’t bear to tell him anything other than the truth.
Inside this hospital room lies hopes and dreams, some fulfilled, some not fulfilled.
Inside this hospital stands a girl saying, “this just isn’t fair.”
When he yells at her for some pain medication, she gets slightly frustrated.
She swallows her feelings, because she knows he is only frustrated with himself, frustrated at this disease.
I never said it was.
Somewhere in a hospital in a bed is laying a man with cancer. He is so fatigued, he hardly desires to speak. It’s not that he doesn’t want to speak or that he doesn’t like you, he is just so tired, he can’t.
He asks his nurse how long he has left.
She understands, but she asks him to clarify.
He clarifies.
And she answers him.
She has only know then man for a few days, wouldn’t be able to pick him out in a crowd, wouldn’t be able to tell you his children’s names or if he has grandchildren yet or not. She wouldn’t be able to tell you how him and his wife fell in love, or what he did for a living ‘back in the day.’
She wouldn’t be able to tell you his favorite color or favorite smell or favorite flavor of ice cream.
She can only tell you the color of his eyes because she has to look at them every four hours.
She can only tell you his favorite juice because that’s the only thing he wants to drink.
He doesn’t mind an injection or a procedure because he trusts his nurse. After watching her, he must know she means well.
When he asks her that question, that how much longer do I have question, it makes her want to break down into tears.
She has only known him for a few days, but inside her soul, she knows that this weak and frail gentleman has had his fair share of life challenges, of victories; she knows, despite his seemingly quiet nature, he is kind and has cared for people he loves and people he has never met.
She knows that he knows his time is nearing its end.
He wants her to be upfront and frank with him.
And she couldn’t bear to tell him anything other than the truth.
Inside this hospital room lies hopes and dreams, some fulfilled, some not fulfilled.
Inside this hospital stands a girl saying, “this just isn’t fair.”
When he yells at her for some pain medication, she gets slightly frustrated.
She swallows her feelings, because she knows he is only frustrated with himself, frustrated at this disease.
When this girl goes home, the man will still be laying in the hospital bed, sick and dying from an evil thing called cancer.
As she reflects, the challenges and hardships she has come across in life seem small compared to something so large.
The end of life is no small thing.
Endings are scary; life beyond this one is something we have yet to experience, to see with our eyes and touch with our hands; how scary is it to pass from the known into the unknown.
How scary is it for us to lose a loved one. To cross into a new, maybe unwanted or unexpected chapter of our lives.
This does not belittle the girl’s problems and challenges and worries and hardships.
In fact, in many ways, she takes these burdens home with her, hides them inside of her, something almost all of her family does not understand.
These make her challenges and worries and fears all the more hard.
As she reflects, the challenges and hardships she has come across in life seem small compared to something so large.
The end of life is no small thing.
Endings are scary; life beyond this one is something we have yet to experience, to see with our eyes and touch with our hands; how scary is it to pass from the known into the unknown.
How scary is it for us to lose a loved one. To cross into a new, maybe unwanted or unexpected chapter of our lives.
This does not belittle the girl’s problems and challenges and worries and hardships.
In fact, in many ways, she takes these burdens home with her, hides them inside of her, something almost all of her family does not understand.
These make her challenges and worries and fears all the more hard.
Because she realizes life isn’t fair.
And understands that most people don’t understand what that phrase means.
People can’t understand because they don’t see the world the way the girl does.
And she can’t get mad at them for not understanding.
Life isn’t fair, and I know that.
And maybe the precariousness of the life I’ve found myself in is what burdens my soul to a degree most people cannot fathom.
I’m sorry I breakdown and seem unstable at times.
But there is a whole other side of me that has to be strong for breaking people.
Sometimes I can’t always be strong for myself because I’m busy being strong for other people whose lives are tearing at the seams.
I’m sorry you can’t understand this.
And I’m sorry I get mad when you don’t understand.
Just know there is a whole other side of me you never see, you only half know.
And understands that most people don’t understand what that phrase means.
People can’t understand because they don’t see the world the way the girl does.
And she can’t get mad at them for not understanding.
Life’s not fair not because you didn’t get what you wanted. No, life isn’t fair because you die a young death; life isn’t fair because you lose your father before your wedding day; life isn’t fair because you will never be able to see your grandchildren graduate high school.Life isn't fair when you miss out on the true joys of life because it was taken away from you too soon.
Life isn’t fair, and I know that.
And maybe the precariousness of the life I’ve found myself in is what burdens my soul to a degree most people cannot fathom.
I’m sorry I breakdown and seem unstable at times.
But there is a whole other side of me that has to be strong for breaking people.
Sometimes I can’t always be strong for myself because I’m busy being strong for other people whose lives are tearing at the seams.
I’m sorry you can’t understand this.
And I’m sorry I get mad when you don’t understand.
Just know there is a whole other side of me you never see, you only half know.
I’m an iceberg, and at any moment in time, you only see the tip of me.
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